Lamar Jackson lasting until the 32nd pick in the 2018 NFL Draft. The Jonas Brothers “honoring” Earth, Wind, and Fire. Zack and Kelly breaking up because of her child predator manager at The Max. Mariah Carey covering the Phil Collins classic, “Against All Odds”. What do these things have in common? None of them should have ever happened and the most recent film adaptation of Cats needs to be added to that list. Cats, originally a Broadway and London theater phenomenon, takes us inside the lives of a tribe of London cats known as the Jellicles as they compete for the yearly prize of transitioning to Heaviside Layer and returning with a new life. As promising as the plot sounds, the execution was just as bad.
Cats doesn’t lack for star power or talent. A cast that boasts talents like Dame Judi Dench, Sir Ian McKlellen, Idris Elba, Ray Winstone, and James Corden, features acting ability most films wish they could have. This is a bright spot for Cats until you realize they are unable to contribute anything of substance because musicals are not where their strengths lie. Corden is definitely good for a couple of laughs as the self aware but always hungry Bustopher Jones. His number, “The Cat About Town”, gives some entertaining moments to an otherwise very dull hour and fifty minutes. Additionally, Jennifer Hudson delivers a decent rendition of “Memory” but you’re so mentally exhausted by the time you reach it that you’re praying Alf comes down from Melmac to end it all by eating the entire Jellicles population.
The structure and style of Cats are the dominoes that ultimately toppled the film before it could even sniff its potential. Having Tom Hooper on board as director, writer, and producer inspired hope for a good adaptation given his success adapting Les Miserables to the big screen, but instead he is an accomplice in crafting what amounts to a failure of Glitter proportions. Structurally, Cats fumbles by breaking away from the usual stage to big screen blueprint. Film adaptations of musicals generally have some spoken dialogue to set up the musical numbers, but Cats basically eliminates spoken dialogue altogether in favor of literally having everything in a song. This narrative decision almost single-handedly kills the film from the start because it cancels the acting talents of the A-list cast that made Cats remotely intriguing. The style decisions added another dagger to the already mutilated body of Cats through cartoonishly bad CGI and a lackluster London backdrop. The low point of this abomination is easily the cat-human hybrid they created for the film’s characters, which is way more creepy than awesome, but the fact they gave Taylor Swift curves she can only dream about or receive from a surgeon warrants (dis)honorable mention.
It’s pretty common knowledge that it took years to develop this adaptation of Cats for the big screen. It will take you all of 15 minutes to realize development is where it should have stayed. We really needed another "Lizzo Twerking at the Lakers Game" think piece more than this film. Outside a few solid minutes from James Corden, Cats never takes off despite having the necessary star power and acting talent to be a good film and this is solely the fault of the people behind the camera. Under no circumstances do I recommend spending your time or money to see this film.
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